Changing our lives through acceptance


Have you heard the phrase :  "Marry him/her today and change his/her ways tomorrow?"  Have you tried to do it?  How did it work for you?... Hard work... I would say almost impossible... Even though it looks like an impossible task, people have been trying forever to change how others behave, and how to fix their "perceived" flaws.

Sometimes we want others to do what we want, to say we want , and to behave the way we want.  We want "to fix" them, so they are "perfect" according to our own beliefs and expectations.

So next time you want to "fix" them, focus on accepting the differences, and the fact that you may never be in sync.  When we are obsessed on fixing others, we are sending the message that they are"broken" and they need to be "fixed".  We can serve them by "being" with them, suggesting things , if that is what they would like to hear, and accepting that they are going through their own process at their own time.

I know that sometimes it is very challenging to do so. The key to "be" in these situations, without "doing" or "fixing" is by practicing radical acceptance.   It is going to pay off in the long run.  By respecting them you are also respecting yourself.

We are so invested in our relationships , that most of the time we are attached to the outcome of those relationships.  We judge how they "should" be, they "should" look. This way of thinking only brings more stress to our lives.  So I invite you, to let go of the "shoulds", and try something different.

Trying different things is like exploring other avenues, experimenting.  Use this opportunity to experiment, yes experiment with yourself and your relationships.  As the psychologist Lerner says, our connections provide some of the best opportunities to grow in meaningful ways; so "any relationship can be a laboratory where we experiment with bold acts of change and learn something about ourselves, the other person, and the possibilities between us".

So be willing to experiment, let go of the "fixing" idea, the expectations on how others'  lives "should" be, and focus on acceptance.  Acceptance of what is.

The side effects of this approach are more happiness, more peace, more aliveness... and maybe...just maybe a better relationship with yourself and others.

Sebastian NaumComment